I hope this note finds you and your loved ones safe and well during this intense time.
As we are MANY days in the Shelter In Place order, we may start to go through a grieving process for the things we’ve lost; our freedom, a loss of income, the loss of not seeing our loved ones, the loss of our daily routine and so on. It’s natural to feel this way, but it’s also good to be aware of the stages of grief to help you better deal with it.
The stages of grief
The grieving process typically has five stages, however Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler suggest there are six. I am going to include that 6th stage here as I believe it is profound.
1. Denial
When you’re first hit with a shock of any sort, you feel disbelief. Everything feels surreal, and your brain refuses to compute the event is actually happening. Denial helps us cope during a time where things just don’t make logical sense.
2. Anger
Oh, the anger! There are so many emotions beneath this anger - frustration, helplessness, sadness, fear, and panic. All these are natural, especially during an intense time of uncertainty.
3. Bargaining
Here we may turn to our higher power and ask them to help, be it God, The Universe, Buddha or whatever you choose to call yours. We try to strike a bargain by saying if things improve, we’ll try harder, we’ll ‘be’ better etc. It’s also normal to think about what we could have done differently to lessen our losses.
4. Depression
In this stage, we feel like withdrawing and just crawling under the covers. We feel numb and sad.
5. Acceptance
Here we have leaned into our grief and accepted it. This doesn’t mean we agree with the situation, we simply accept the fact that right now things are out of our control.
6. Finding meaning
The sixth stage is the one Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler talk about. This is all about finding meaning within our loss. Ask yourself - what did I learn? Was there a bigger purpose to my loss? Finding meaning is powerful as it can transform grief into hope.
The stages are not necessarily sequential
Each person grieves uniquely. You may or may not experience each stage, you may experience them at different times or even simultaneously. It is also perfectly normal to feel as if you’re riding a roller coaster of emotions. One minute you feel upset or sad, the next you feel grateful, hopeful, and grounded.
Don’t shy away from your grief
While it’s hard to grieve, it is important to allow your emotions to surface and truly ‘feel’ them. Suppressed emotions find a way to hide in your body and then manifest as physical ailments. And right now, more than ever, it’s vital to focus on staying healthy and keeping your immune system strong.
To do that, go ahead and truly experience your grief. Yell, scream, shout, cry, say F*&% all day if you want to! This will help shift the emotions out of your body faster, so you can then move to acceptance and finding meaning. You can also try the tactic of being thankful for these emotions, as it’s a lovely reminder that you are ALIVE.
We’re built to overcome
Human beings are resilient. We can handle situations much harsher than this as we are built to survive and thrive during challenging times. Just know we got this and we’re all in it together (while remaining socially distanced of course!)
Reach out
If you need some further support during this time, please let me know. I am available via phone, Zoom or Facetime. Stay safe.