Did you know that we all have a love language? It’s fascinating shit! For instance, if someone is upset with you for not spending time with them, their main love language could be quality time. If you notice your loved one is complaining that you don’t help enough around the house, their love language might be acts of service.
In this post, I dive into the five love languages developed by Dr Gary Chapman, showing you how developing an understanding of them can help you build stronger and more joyful relationships with those closest to you. And we all want that, right?!
The 5 love languages
Over the past decade, I’ve read Dr Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages several times, as I just love it (pun intended!).
It has provided me with tremendous insight into my own personal love language, the love language of my partner and other loved ones in my life. Once I learned what their main love language was, I was able to understand how to show them I really care in a way that was most relevant and meaningful to them.
According to Dr Chapman, there are five love languages related to how we like to express and receive love. They are:
Words of affirmation
Quality time
Receiving gifts
Acts of service
Physical touch
Although we can have a bit of all the languages, we typically have one or two that are most prominent. This is usually defined by impactful or traumatic experiences we’ve gone through in the past, as we can form our love language based on things we felt we lacked. For example, if we were left alone a lot as a child, we might crave attention and one-on-one time. This means our main love language may develop into Quality Time.
Why it’s important to understand love languages
Having awareness about anything in life is the key to shift and change. That’s why it’s so helpful to develop an awareness of our love language and that of our loved ones, particularly as that knowledge will help us to cultivate a stronger relationship with them.
Even if their love language isn’t the same as ours, we can make an effort to meet them where they are. Relationships take an effort and when we put that in, we get it back tenfold. Sure, there will absolutely be situations where you give and give and there is little or no reciprocity … but that’s when it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship.
It’s also good to know that the five love languages are not only used for our romantic relationships, they can be used for other types, such as those in our professional life.
Find out your love language
If you’d like to uncover your main love language, you can take the test here. When you do, it wouldn’t hurt to communicate it to your loved ones, so they’re aware of what your main needs are. You could even make it part of date night, with each of you taking the test at the same time …. alongside a nice bottle of wine, maybe??!!
And don’t forget - the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. When we understand and have compassion for ourselves, we’re always better at understanding and finding compassion for others.